At it’s very simplest form it is about explicitly considering your (and other’s) feelings and needs. The following diagram outlines the key elements of NVC for coaches.

Observing

Observing is an important skill for an Agile Coach. In NVC, the goal is to observe without evaluation, judgement or analysis. The idea here is that when we focus on observable data (I see, hear, etc.), we can operate and reason about what is actually happening rather than the filtered, distorted version that our brains typically serve up to us.  In the workshop we practiced distinguishing observations from evaluations and practiced removing the evaluation to focus on observable properties.

Of course, you can also practice observing with my fun Coaching Skills Dojo.

Feeling

People’s feelings shape the conversation. They can uplift and energize or take you down a rabbit-hole. Here is an inventory of feelings that you can use to understand what’s going on with people.

Needs

Needs are the place where feelings come from. Positive feelings come from needs that are met. Negative feelings come from unfulfilled needs. Here is an inventory of needs that can help you identify what’s going on.

Know thyself!
As a coach, it behooves us know where we are so we can help others.

First, get an understanding of your feelings and needs in a particular situation. This will allow you to more effectively communicate and manage your internal state.

Second, consider what you client is experiencing in terms of feelings and needs. If you pay attention to facial expressions, tonality and words, you will be in position to ask clarifying questions to understand what’s going on for them.

Exercise to find balance

The best part of the workshop for me was the following exercise:

1. Sit in a chair with your eyes closed and think of a situation.
2. What are your feelings in this situation?
3. What are your needs in this situation?
4. Stand up, open your eyes so that you leave the situation in the chair.
5. Look at the chair and imagine seeing yourself in that situation.
6. Now coach the person in the chair. Say an appreciation. What else will you say to them to help them?
7. Sit back down in the chair, close your eyes and integrate.

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The essential message is that we can create positive environments and emotions to create an upward spiral of openness, resilience, and better performance.

This is in line with my use of Agile as a way to transform the world of work. And of getting innovation and results through play.

The flow of the diagram below is: Positive emotions –> Expand’s Awareness –> Other thinking –> Mind Meld

Dr. Fredrickson argues that Positivity is a lifestyle change that can result in a upward spiral of positivity with all the associated benefits. Masking the negative does not help, we actually need to focus on the positive – at least three positive events for every negative event.

I really appreciated Barabara’s message, however, the one part I will differ on is that in many environments we need to create trust and safety to reduce the background noise of negativity. This needs to happen in tandem with positivity.

You can learn more through Barabara’s website or book.

Update: Full Video is available on Agile Alliance Website.

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Status Games is a modeling technique that comes from Improv theatre. They are all about power and dominance. When we communicate we can raise or lower the status of others by implying something positive or negative.

Here is a quick example.

Statement: “I just finished my part.”

Status lowering response: “Well, I’m glad we are all finally done.” (Implication is that the person was last and they were holding things up)

Status raising response: ‘Great, we can only succeed as a team.” (Implication is that everyone is important).

I need to learn more about this. Here is one reference for more details.

Solution Focus

The principle of solution focus is that it is often more valuable to focus on the solution than on the problem. This principle is counter intuitive and is contradictory to other approaches such as root cause analysis and Diagram of effects. I think about the latter tools as useful for analysis, while solution focus is useful for generating solutions.

Solution focus is deceptively simple:

1. Image that you are in the future and have already solved your problem.
2. Think about how it was that you got there.

This perspective is useful in unlocking the series of steps that need to be accomplished to achieve the goal.

Solution Focus is very similar to the approach used in the InnovationGame® Remember the Future for defining what a product should do.

As I was reading more, I discovered that this comes from solution focussed brief therapy. Reminds me of my NLP tools and training. I am wondering how to share them.

Transactional Analysis

The work of Virginia Satir on family dynamics can be used to understand how we communicate with others. With this model we choose one of three roles when communicating: Parent, Adult, or Child. The example illustrated in pink is that if we communicate as parent to child then we will elicit a child to parent response.

The idea here is that by changing our response, we can change the dynamic of the conversation to get the result that we want. I think I need to learn more and play with this to get a better sense of this technique. Maybe I will just observe life and take notes from this perspective.

Please see WikiPedia for more on Transactional Analysis.

Slides and further reading

You can see slides and further reading/links on Pierluigi’s blog.

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The purpose of this post is to share my key learnings from the book: the goal of reading and how to skim. No effort to represent the whole book.

The Goal of Reading

Adler argues that the goal of reading is to learn and that there are 4 elements that need to be satisfied. Consider the diagram below.

In order to decide what parts of the book you believe, you need to understand what it is suggesting and how that information is supported. As I write, I think about confirmation bias and that we need to challenge ourselves to keep our minds open.

Perhaps the most intriguing part is to explicitly think about is: what impact does the book have one you? What are you going to do differently as a result of reading the book?

How to Scan a Book Quickly

It takes time and energy to read and learn from a book. Adler introduces an approach called inspectional reading (systematic skimming or pre-reading) to provide a mechanism to decide if the book is worth reading. The diagram below outlines which bits of a book to focus on.

In 20 or 30 minutes, you can get an idea of what the book is about and what its parts are. Even if you think you are going to read the whole book cover to cover, this is still very valuable in understand the book as a whole.

Happy reading!

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The game teaches people skills and resources to be effective coaches by practicing with peers. In the game, people take turns in one of 3 roles: Client (with a problem), Coach, and Observer.

Solve real problems

In the role of Client/Dorothy, you get to be yourself and bring up a problem that you want to work on. Over several iterations, new perspectives help you access the resources you already have. So a cool side-effect of this game is that you get fresh insights into whatever problem you want to work on.

Coach practices questions

The coach gets to practice listening and asking questions. We discovered that listening is something we need to practice since we are so used to jumping in with our expert opinion and solutions.

We also get practice with different types of questions (image by Portia Tung):

Observer provides depth

The observer roles gives you a chance to step back from the situation and really notice what is going on. Portia’s picture captures the simplicity of the task:

I was reminded that observation is a very helpful debugging technique. It is also less than easy – especially if you are like most of us and out of practice.

As the observer, I was able to get much deeper insights.

Go play this game

I am going to play this game again for myself and to help those I am coaching. The complete game instructions and presentation is available for download, so give it a go! I’m sure you will get value out of it. Even better, get Portia to come play with you so you can see some of the finer points.

(This is part of a series on DeepAgile 2010 Games Weekend).

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Standard Sticky Notes

Post-it Super Sticky 3″x3″ Yellow (12/pack) – Staples Item#: 562896

Post-it Super Sticky Notes, 3″ x 3″, Neon Colours, 5-Pack – Staples Item#: 562930

Post-it Recycled Notes in Pastel Colours. Grand and Toy Product code: 655-RP-A
Good for production Kanban. Not supersticky, but bright colours can be annoying.
Stock 1 per team

Post-it Super Sticky, Neon Colours 4″x6″ –  Staples Item#: 592836

Post-it Notes, 1-1/2″ x 2″, Neon Colours – Stapes Item#: 20071

Special Sticky Notes

Post-it Arrows 3×3 – Staples Item#: 500518

Post-it Flowers 3×3 – Staples Item#: 573400

Post-it Super Sticky Notes, 4″ x 4″, Lined, Ultra Colours – Staples Item#: 659725

Post-it Super Sticky Meeting Notes, 8″ x 6″, Lined, Neon Colours

Markers & Etc.

Black Sharpies (12/pack) – Staples Item#:11520 – Also available in 24 count from Costco
These are critical to keep in good supply to keep people running to look for markers.
Stock 1 box per team

Bic Fine Tip Assorted Marker (12/pack) – Staples Item#: 573126
You’ll need these for size estimates, theming story cards
Stock 1 box per team

Post-it Glue Stick – Staples Item#: 18842
Useful for sticking stuff to the wall. Critical for index/story cards
Stock 2 per team

Index Cards, 3″ x 5″, White, Ruled - Staples Item#: 570562
Really stupid, but you can’t order Post-it index cards in Canada, so we need these for story cards. Yes, you can use coloured stickies, but these are more substantial and allow theming with coloured markers.
Stock 1 per team

Easel Pads

25 Inch Post-it Easel Pad –  Staples Item#: 22908

Other stuff

Painter’s Mate Green Painter’s Tape Contractor Pack – 6 pack @ Home Depot
Needed to demarcate swim lanes for scrum boards; phases in a story map; kanban columns
Stock 0.5 per team

Scotch-Blue Painter’s Tape for Multi Surfaces 25.4 mm x 45.7 m Contractor Pack (3 Rolls) @ Home Depot
Same as above but green. Choice is good.
Stock 0.5 per team

Work Samples

In the absence of high-quality magnetic whiteboards, I tend to use a lot of paper and stickies. So please see others for using whiteboards.  e.g. Visual Management Blog

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(Part 6 of 5 blogs on the Scrum Gathering in Orlando – ok, so not very good at counting

Mehrabian Study

Amazingly, only 7% of communication is based on words while 38% is based on tonality and 55% on physiology.

The Mehrabian Study produced these numbers to quantify the importance of non-verbal communication.

Rapport

Briefly, rapport is about making and feeling a connection with another person. We do this automatically with our friends: we match physiology and tonality. The key practice for connecting with others is to:

1. Face a similar direction
2. Be at the same or lower height
3. Match the angle of their spine and head tilt.

This goes a long way towards making a comfortable connection.  For more on rapport refer to NLP: The New Technology of Achievement by Steve Andreas, and Charles Faulkner.

Keys to great communication

There are some important approaches that complement non-verbal rapport skills.

I just posted on Crucial Conversations.

Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” has two models that relate to effective communication.

Win/Win is about seeking a good outcome for everyone involved – seeking a long-term, sustainable relationship.

“Seek first to understand, then be understood“ is about really listening to people around you. To really connect, you need to understand the person and where they are coming from.

Exercise to understand rapport

Caution: These exercises are here for those who attended the workshop and want to use them to help others. Please attend a workshop before trying these on your own.

This exercise is about getting an internal sense of how important rapport is in conversation.

Exercise to sense broken rapport

This exercise is about practicing rapport and getting a sense of what it is like for rapport to be broken.

Want to learn more?

These are some of the skill that I learned as an NLP (NeuroLinguisticProgramming) Practitioner. I have found Practitioner as well as Master Practioner skills to be an important part of my toolkit as an Agile Coach.

I strongly recommend Wauneen McMonagle Innergize Training if you are interested in building skills in this area.

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The book offers several valuable models for communicating effectively when the going gets tough.

The most important concept is that of safety: “when it’s safe you can say anything”. When we feel safe in our environment or with others, then open communication is possible and we collectively add to a shared pool of meaning. When we add to the pool we begin to understand one another and can produce shared insights. Mutual purpose – agreeing about the purpose of a conversation – is another requirement for effectively adding to the pool.

There are two common patterns people fall into that put safety at risk. With silence, people may be withdraw from conversation, avoid topics or respond in ways that obscure meaning. With violence, people may resort to verbal abuse, labeling, and manipulating the situation. Understanding these patterns has allowed me to diagnose situations and be more effective. Also, there is a test that lets you identify your preferred pattern when in conflict so you can debug your own behaviour.

Start with heart is about looking at the conversation with a wider lens – What’s important for you? What’s important for others? What kind of a relationship do you want? This is related to Stephen Covey’s habits of win/win and empathetic listening.

Finally, to be successful, we need to master our stories. One challenge with the way our brain’s work is that we feel emotions and then create stories to justify our emotions. There are many types of unproductive stories that we tell ourselves, the most common and crippling ones are:

• Victim – “How could this have happened to me? What have I done wrong?”
• Villain – “That other person is to blame.”
• Helpless – “I am powerless; there is nothing I can do”

See related topic – Cristopher Avery’s personal responsibility model.

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(Part 1 of 5 blogs on the Scrum Gathering in Orlando.)

I have attempted to capture the key aspects of the workshop in the mindmap below.

I walked out of the session with:

• Better ability to LISTEN. This had been on my self-improvement list for years.
• A deep sense of playfulness, curiousity and creativity. Lee helped me reconnect with skills I had when I was much younger.
• A strong connection with other participants.
• Understand my EDGE in a number of different situations. I can now explore and expand this in a positive way.

The exercise where we were creating together through movement is a great way to illustrate the benefits that can be found through pairing. Together we were able to create and invent things that I could not even conceive of in advance. It was really awesome to experience such effective collaboration without words.

Not only was this fun, it also is immensely practical. One note of caution when you do take it: you will start off slowly and build the foundations; the really cool stuff comes together later on.

Kudo’s to the Scrum Gathering organizers and many thanks to Lee for sharing his craft.

Special mention to those that made it special for me. In photo: Mark Strange, Siraj Sirajuddin, Lee Devin, (me), Juan Banda.  Also, Mats Janemalm (not in photo).

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One of my goals is to make a mindmap of every book that I read.  I figure if I can take the time to read it, I may as well take a little time to synthesize the content of the book into a mindmap so I can remember it later.  Seems like a good idea, and this is the first one in what I hope will be a long and informative series.

So, today’s review is on Why We Make Mistakes – a book that describes failure modes common to people. Many of my regular readers will be wondering what this has to do with Agile and Lean, but it turns out that there are several direct links to industry practices.

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